What To Do?

when i was growing up, there was a funny dichotomy between how my mother and my father raised me. there was one side: my mother had the reasoning aspect figured out...she would play the "i am the law" card, raging and threatening about what "i will do" and "what your father will do when he get's home." my mom was the preacher for the end of days and, as a ten year old boy, would explain as things got out of hand, what would traspire... and my father was the inevitable wrath that would come at her beck-and-call. in that way of doing things, my father was an instument to how my mother would get things done. i understand, now, how they worked together as the ying and yang to the child raising. my father would not yell at us (me and my little brother) like my mother would, but when it came time for a reckoning, he was my mother's will made reality.

as we got older, a change in how things were done became evident. the "wait till your father gets home," was replaced with logical and reasonable arguments about freedoms and what would be acceptable under the roof i was living. real world consequenses were the standards by which my brother and i were judged. oddly enough, my raging and emotional mother became the voice of what i now know to be the voice of things like credit unions and banks as they tell you what the real deal is and how you have to deal with "living." the "law" that was my father when i was young, became the flexible "family first" kind of guy that would bail you out of real-world trouble, even if you didn't deserve it. again, they played the two different sides to the same coin.

it turns out, in this upbringing of mine, that i have come away with two mentalities ultimately:

my mother is my best (actually, second to beans, but who can compare) friend...she has taught me compasion and tough love...reason and the strength of emotion...responsibility in the face of irrationality. she is the strongest and the weakest at the same time, yet maintains self throughout what ever she does. she is the flow in spite of the ebb.

my father is my hero. he is the silent partner, yet the mover of lives. he helps selflessly, but is the example for independence. he loves those around him, even though no one openly supports how he loves or how he gives with no expectation of recognition of his sacrifices...he is selfless, but the model.

both of my parents are great people in my opinion and preception, and have taught me what is true and good in the world...and the greatest thing they have taught me is to be my self and be happy, no matter what adversity may come my way. i am blessed, and i hope it will be evident in these fantasic people's grandchildren.

i continue to try to live up to what i have been given.