I

morning.

i hate mornings.

unfortunately, tradition was tradition...duels are always held an hour after sunrise and there is no getting around it; even for night-owls like myself...


it really was all a misunderstanding. i was sitting in the tavernette above the vidscan repair shop in south mertzia, drinking a fair amount of lesterian whiskey (the blue stuff, not the orange...ugh!), when this guy walks in towing a pear-shaped (woman?) painted up like she just got done marching in a day-of-the-dead parade. i mean really, she was a sight. i didn't quite understand what the guy (rich looking peacock of the walk type) was doing with this circus clown on his arm. you would expect someone wearing expensive duds like that could afford a reasonable looking professional companion or the like.

i turned to my right and blurted out, "Bam, you see this bird just rolled in?" bam had been a drinking companion of mine for about two years. he was a veteran of about three wars (his first, without a suit!) and had accrued just about enough credits to keep him under a roof for the rest of his days. he's a good listener and i trade the old cuss drinks for stories most every night of the week. "I've never seen anything so ugly even on the vid!"

"Seen better faces on donkeys, i s'pose...but i seen worse'n m'day." oh, what age does to the eyes of the beholder!
jimmy, the bartender, tossed me a sidelong glance that warned me i should maybe keep my voice down. hmmmm, funny thing about lesterian whiskey...

"I'm serious, old buddy," i pitched my voice to where i was sure everyone in the bar could hear me, "even with that much paint on her, there is no way that thing (pointing rudely) could pass for human! I mean, maybe if you swing that way, but to shave off all the fur like that..." that got pretty-boy's attention. i watched as his face went from a pleasant pink, to red, to almost purple. he had gotten it back to red when he got up out of his seat and strode pointedly across the bar to stand behind me and bam.

"Begging your pardon, sir, but you were not referring to my sister in such a manner that would be offensive to her as a lady?" I gave a snort, spilled some of my whiskey and turned around on my stool. bam had suddenly found something extremely interesting at the bottom of his drink.

"Thank god," i almost laughed back at him, "your SISTER! i was afraid that someone, namely yourself, was going to procreate with that thing. thanks a lot, pal, you have put my mind at ease...it's obligation...i understand."

"Sir, you insult me and my family!" at this point, this well-to-do-so-and-so starts taking off one of his tanned leather gloves. i'm so tossed at this point and so interested in this strange behavior, that i don't even see the obvious coming and it isn't until the bastard actually slaps my face with his glove and challenges me to a duel an hour past sunrise that i actually get fired up (Scotland the brave on the pipes in the back of my head and all). so i did what anyone would naturally do...i didn't have a glove, so i hopped up and slapped him in the head hard enough to turn him half way around and as he turned back to back to me, open mouthed with a startled look in his eyes, i planted a firm boot to his minerals.

as i stepped over the writhing rich boy, i threw a haughty "i accept your challenge" over my shoulder and stumbled home to pass out. it didn't even occur to me that this could be a bad idea...funny thing about lesterian whiskey...


...so, after being woken up by a banging on my door, collecting my suit and following a porter to a cleared area just outside of town, i found myself groggily checking the monitors and stores on my suit and wondering why in the hell i was up so early...and why in the hell i even bother with that blue poison as it always seems to bite me in the ass one way or another.

-continued