Wednesday, December 22, 2004

MajikChristmas

hemorrhaging money anyone?

i like the holidays a great deal because i like to shop more than a manhatten housewife. during this time of year, i can go out and drop a grand a day for a week and really not feel bad about it! the other upside to this year is i am now impervious to any letdown resulting from lack of gifts that i could get because i already got myself a new car…which i love…which will be the subject of another rant later. and speaking of rants… here is a little bit of heartwarming holiday happy from a real industry standard.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Today

wife is short and getting fatter by the minute. she has been fighting through the first stages of that whole pregnancy thing; and apart from crazy hormonal and physiological mean tricks her body is playing on her, she is the toughest trooper in the world. tonight i went out on one of my rare (and growing rarer) outings with a member of my temporary band. i put this young soul that i play with (older than me) in the dirt, and walked home after b.s.ing with one of my favorite bartenders…tonya says “hi,” beans!…only to find that my house is a picture of beauty and tidiness! the ikea catalog would be inspired! not only is the house a picture of clean and kick-ass living…the tree i bought my pretty girl today is up and decorated! my mom would be proud. this is just a word to all of you fine girls who are living through the men in your lives and the things they have done to you…”you are the shizzle…but you have nothing on mrs. james keller!”

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Convoy III

a brilliant flash signified the end of another of the pirate vessels. someone had gotten lucky and hit a fuel core. the shock wave hit a little bit later, but was accompanied by no sound. funny thing about dog-fights in space… jason sluiced the tail of his lance in an attempt to get angle on one of the faster of the enemy ships and nearly ran into a randomly fired rocket. at the range the ships were spinning around each other, there was no room for a lock of any kind, making self propelled weaponry a danger to all of the combatants. as he watched, the pirate he was moving in behind fired off a barrage of auto-chaff in response to a harmless radar lock.

“Wrong thing to be worried about,” mumbled jason under his breath, as he walked a focused burst through the starboard stabilizer of his target. the explosion of the small stabilizer jet was not enough to destroy the craft outright; but without it, the ship’s primaries sent it spinning off out of the fight before the pilot could do anything about it. the pilot might limp the ship home, but he was effectively out of the fight.

“Bravo one, this is Alpha leader. We could use a hand over here…got us a Frankenstein rigger. Transmitting coordinates now…Goddamn, this is a big sonofabitch. Repeat, Bravo one, this is Alpha leader, please disengage soonest and give support. We’re getting our asses handed to us over here, boss.”

jason tapped his virtual controls, filing through the remaining targets. there was only one light scout between his unit and what looked to be a converted freighter. it was big…nearly a quarter the size of the fls drake. “Roger that, Alpha leader. Just cleaned up over here and coming to you now. Hang in there, Bret!” tapping the controls again, jason upped his magnification to get a look at the thing. judging by the general shape of the frankenstein, it had been a freighter of some sort at some time. it was hard to tell what kind through all of the miss-matched armor and the bristling of jammers and cannons covering the hull. these types of tank/ship combos had enough room to house the proliferation of jamming equipment required to stimey most any type of missile attack, leaving a head on run through the gauntlet of laser and plasma banks as the only option. judging by debris and inert lance’s, alpha section was getting pretty chewed up trying to run that gauntlet. jason keyed the general override push.

“All Alpha units, disengage frankenstein rigger. Make distance from contact one-five-oh kliks at shortest. Get out of the way, ladies.” jason quickly did some calculations with the help of the ai, and sent them to bravo wing. “All Bravo units, disengage all tracking and radar, repeat, go to visual only. I have sent you clearance codes to feed your ai’s. do so now, and on my mark, fire all remaining missile salvos at that big bastard! Three…Two…One…Mark!” as a unit, bravo wing loosed it’s remaining missiles. jason had fed their computers null commands, turning off all warheads and tracking for all of the missiles making them immune to any jamming or premature detonation countermeasures. essentially, he had just launched about two hundred jet-powered spears at the great hulk.

he dialed up the magnification just in time to watch the ats on the frankenstein try and pick up all those targets. it got about a third. the heavy plate along the beam of the ship deflected another quarter. the rest started punching through the weak points of the armor, making small sparks as atmosphere was voided from the converted freighter. it was only a matter of time before…

the ship seemed to expand as rays of light poked out of the breaches in the hull. the final reaction was blindingly spectacular…the huge power core in the freighter went off like a tiny supernova. even the ships that had made the 150 kilometer range from the ship were tossed around like leaves in a hurricane. jason saw two status lights go blank for Alpha wing, but there was nothing left to fight. the threat to the convoy was no more.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Ahhh, The Power Of Meat

as i write this, i am in the process (at 0-dark thirty in the morning) of eating the most beautiful piece of meat i have seen in a long time...yes, i just cooked it at 5:30 am...i couldn’t wait. so what you do is, you take a two and a half pound hunk of angus boneless ribeye steak...about three inches thick...you cut it open long ways down the middle and insert sliced whole garlic cloves, kosher rock-salt and pepper...fold it back up and punch holes through the top...then you fill those holes with butter. you then cook it nice and slow, adding cajun spices to go with the garlic. when it is just right there to being past rare, you take it off the steamer grill, pour it’s own sauces over the top of the steak and break out the worcestershire and horseradish, a silver fork and a sharp hunting knife and..........oh...sorry, i made a mess in my pants just now. i hate it when that happens, but i love me some meat!!!

Monday, December 06, 2004

Those Bastards

it has been almost three months since my car was stolen. i have not seen a dime from my insurance company for the replacement of said car. i have been taking cabs too and from work for that long at ten bucks each way. i have been paying car payments for said car for the interum as well as the intrest on the loan with wich i bought said car. saturday was the last straw. i checked my account, and the auto-withdraw for the coverage on my acura is still being taken from my checking. i have been paying full coverage insurance on a car that is a) totalled, b)in the insuance company's posession and, c)not even driveable if it were in my posession! i am getting myself a lawyer friend to light a fire under geico's ass. i want to buy my new car. i don't have the money from my old car to buy my new car. i will find them all and burn down their houses! i hope they have good insurance.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Ahh, The Myth Of Forkbeard...

"I knew this man of Torvaldsland only by reputation. He was a rover, a great captain, a pirate, a trader, a warrior. It had been he, and his men, who had freed Chenbar of Tyros, the Sea Sleen, from a dungeon in Port Kar, breaking through to him, shattering his chains with the blunt hammerlike backs of their great, curved, single-bladed axes. He was said to be fearless, and mighty, swift with sword and axe, fond of jokes, a deep drinker, a master of pretty wenches, and a madman. But he had taken in fee from Chenbar Chenbar’s weight in the sapphires of Shendi. I did not think him too mad."

---Tarl Cabbot, Mauraders of Gor