Monday, October 31, 2005

Not Really A Post

customer service | sales | project management | writing & editing 

People Person – Able to connect with a wide range of people in a short period of time
Team Player – Thrive in an interactive, people-focused work culture
List-Maker – Experienced in managing people, resources, scope and ideas
Devil’s Advocate – Able to negotiate and brainstorm by thinking outside of the cubie
Grammar Guru – Schooled in the arts of writing and editing

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
08/05 – current Ad Sales/Editing/Writing PDX Magazine
08/05 – 09/05 Bar Manager Bistro Montage
09/00 – 09/05 Bartender/Marketing Samatha Inc.
04/04 – 12/04 Marketing/Business Dev. Consultant PortlandRE
01/00 – 08/00 Analyst/Surveyor Trillium Inc.
11/97 – 03/00 Exec. Security/House Manager McMenamins
07/98 – 04/99 Teacher/ GED SAT Instructor Cascade Ed. Unit
And then some…

OBJECTIVE

I would like to obtain a sales position within an established yet growing Oregon company. I would like to be given the opportunity to interact with a diverse client base, and put myself into a position where I can be challenged in my day-to-day activities.


RELEVANT PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

For ten months, I was consulting and assisting with the development of a for-sale-by-owner real estate company called PortlandRE. My primary focus with this company was project management and business development, which consisted of identifying, cataloging, and contacting people in their target market.

For the last five years, I have been instrumental in developing a bar and its clientele. This includes word-of-mouth campaigning, customer management and development and execution of marketing and sales strategies. These activities led to a 400% increase in sales in the past two years.

This, combined with my past experience managing a staff of over forty part-time employees, displays my competency as a team player and a strategic thinker. As is a necessity for the type of work I have done, communication skills have become a specialty of mine; both conveying ideas to a wide range of personalities, putting the people i interact with at ease almost immediately and strong listening and discerning fortitude.


EDUCATION

BA from Lewis and Clark College with a major English Literature/Writing
One year Portland State University focus on Sociology and Philosophy
AA from Clackamas Comm. College transfer with focus English/Music/Psych/Soc




SKILLS

Project and People Management
Customer Service
Phone Campaigning
Outside Sales
Copy Writing/Editing
Microsoft Suite
Macromedia Dreamweaver

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Weak

my favorite time of year...fuckerd! i am on the wagon, kids. i'll get back to you after i'm thirty...

Friday, October 28, 2005

Another Round

indeed, it turned into another round of debauch for your hero! i am, as some of you may know right now, broke. therefore, i cannot roll the bars like i once could (or will again if i have my way). tonight, i went to my emotional home (tryon) and was in the mood to hang out for A drink and a smile. well, i got loaded in a good way--not a wrong way, just a good way. my tab was a whopping goose egg...yes, i drank, but everybody else paid my tab. i wanted to come home early and be the responsible one, but, in my current state of no-fucking-money, i decided to get a good buzz-on for free. this may make me a worthless sob, and i love everyone who bought me drinks, but where i am right now, i feel it is ok for me to stay out late if it means i am breaking even. i have and promote everyone who is in the position to supply drinks to the less fortunate monetarialy...lord knows there are thousands of dollars out there in drinks that have been a direct action of my actions...if you throw when you can and throw in abundance when it is possible, the wheel will turn and you will have a handhold on this wheel. i don't feel bad having people buy me drinks after the long years of me buying everyone else's tab out--i just am thankful that i am still interesting enough, at my age, to have people want to pay to have me hang out! i am rambling...post drinks...but i think all is well with the world when people take care of people who take care of people who are the people in question. there is a natural order, and that order is natural.

rock!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Out And Around

so it has come to my attention that i have been "outed" in certain circles. that is fine for me...granted you know that when i say me, i mean peter griffin's evil twin that does and says all the things he shouldn't, given polite society. so, just to be clear, anything i have done or said is all a product of that rancid "peter griffin" character, and the ideas and opinions voiced by this author are here to with null and void. i do apologize for my (or his) evil twin and make all further references to life and productivity in my name and my name alone!

may the rock continue in that special fashion, and may my parents never know that this is truly me!

in the immortal words of ozzy, yet again, "i love you all!"

erin, you are the best...and the queen of evil! thank the gods for sauza! hehe;)

Saturday, October 22, 2005

The Issue Is Standard

i have spent a lot of time wondering if what i am (which is what i do) is worth while. there are a lot of things pointing towards the contrary...i have not pulled any money down in a while. i am busy trying to be that guy that is "that guy" as far as sales and familiarity within the city-scope, factorily speaking. i am still a positive force to have around, according to all of the random places that i have frequented trying to be the sales force that is my current direction. unfortunately, i have not closed a thing. of course, it is still my first week and there is a learning curve, but i feel useless. i have been working every night and still have no income to show. i did a good job of editing the mag i am working on and have some ideas that will make the articles "pop," but that is not the endgame as of yet, so far as making a cohesive product is concerned. the "big man" (he knows who he is) is going to pay me for my "ideas," but i am still broke. i don't need to be the editor...i simply want to have my name on a project that i am proud of. if that isn't a driving force for sales on next month's mag, i don't know what else i need.

i need to stop posting when i am loaded...if i could cut those out, this site would be a little sparce!

thank you, blogger:)

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Holy Crap!!!!

i went to the studio with a friend of mine tonight to "help" him get through some of his first tracks recorded...if you have done this before, you know it is not so simple and extremely punishing. downside: he wasted his time...all of the tracks that he did ended up being crap and he had to bag his day after spending $100 and having nothing to show. yeah, he was pissed. upside: the owner of the studio recognized me and needs a bass player for his band. not being conceited or anything like that, i get offers like this all of the time and, while i am polite and say "let's see what happens," brushing them off delicately, he gave me a cd of a mix that was just him and a drummer (him doing all the other parts) that he informed me does not really show what his band is doing now. i smiled and said "sure, guy," as i am wont to do in such situations...never burn bridges in any way shape or form. i got into my car and threw the stuff on and.........holy fucking shit!!!! it rocks! he is a fantastic writer and vocalist. the sound is heavy. really heavy in a non-death-metal heavy. for all you hard kids out there, it sounds like pepper keenan and the boys (corrosion of conformity) with a zak wylde kind of guitar and vocal feel. !!!!! they have a few upcoming shows and i think it will be in my power to be playing with them. you like apples? hows about i bend you over that barstool right over there...how do ya like them apples!

the real question comes down to:

"what do you want to do with your life..."

and dee snider comes back with a handfull of steel and a proclamation!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

PDX Magazine

now i sit in my local coffee shop, drinking chai and wondering if i have the magical ability to pull off anything i put my mind to. i have gone to the place that is called "magazine." it is a cool little rag that is an about-town affair. i am doing a little bit of everything for them, but primarily sales. i will also be writing a "how to behave in a bar" article every month, which will tell you how not to be a dill-rod in and around bars. ever wonder how to get a drink at a busy bar? ever wonder how some of your friends get stronger or free drinks? ever wonder how some people seem to be immediate regulars even if it's their fist time in a given joint? all this and more at your fingertips! dr. forkbeard knows the secrets and will be more than happy to share...for a price. actually, fuck that! so long as i help to rid the bar scene of the diseases known as rookieitis and ignorant-asshole (wait, that's not a disease;), then justice has been served, the cat has been fed and the garbage has been put out! additional upside: you can download the mag as a pfd...the whole thing!

i'm not back yet, but i am coming!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Networkio

it seems the party never ends and the grind is relentless. as i try to crawl back to my old job...going home, i call it...i put the feelers out for a new strain of vocational debauchery. will i finish my real-estate license? will i go be an editor/copy writer for a local mag? will i finally quit being an outlaw and become the law by throwing on a badge and a gun? what about the human resources genre? most of these directions are open to me as of now, all i need do is choose...but what direction will make me happy and keep the world a nice comfortable place to live in? i am up in the air...floating in no uncertain terms. what a pain and what a blessing that i can handle such pain monetarily just now. the suggestions of pseudo-strangers would be greatly appreciated.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Just So You Know...

the forkbeard took a gratuitous 24 hours off from being the man about town--to nurse said hangover and collect his thoughts. as of tonight, though, i went out and networked in order to put the classy food on the table that i am used to...the result: three jobs that i want on the back burner and not any where near impossibilities...and four jobs that i didn't even think were available that are mine if i want them! your bad viking bastich is not in serious trouble, if you know what i mean!

the updates will come as required...and you will have them! believe it!

big poppa is watching and moderately pleased

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Party Time

well, not so much. sorry i've been away (jack), but i have been putting in some time and thought into the new bar project. this site was going to be a listing of the goings-on at said bar. well, because of the animosity of the other manager on the restaurant side, and the constant redirection and dictation of policy, product and staff, i quit/was fired. unemployed. weak sauce. i quit a perfectly fantastic job for a misleading pitch. double dammit!!!!!!

anyone need a slinger/basher/pedler?